Sunday, June 30, 2013


When there's obstacles.
Plan cancelled. One less summer holiday excitement. 

Hold your self together....

It can be the thing we dont like, that is actually the best for us and it can be the thing we like is not good for us.

If you are tired of London You are tired of life. Gosh.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Hold on too much to the sweetness of the past that has made today less sweet.

Bad idea you got there.

Cherish today for yesterday has gone and tomorrow is a surprise.


Perhaps Afiq was right.

Now I am missing the gang.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Terleka dengan urusan dunia.

Terlupa nak muhasabah diri tentang pemergian Arwah Sister Sumaiyah Romli.

Pergi menemui Sang Pencipta semasa sedang bermusafir di Jordan. 

Yang pasti....kita sama sama di London cuma x pernah kenal.

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmatNya. 
Dikhabarkan arwah pergi dengan tenang, cantik wajahnya, walau cedera tercampak jauh dari kereta. Indahnya.

Macam mana kita nanti dipanggil pulang kepada Rabb? Didalam kelalaian kealpaan atau...pengkakhiran yang baik...?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Seeds of Change Pt 2

The conference began with a quran recitation and followed by the  speech by Br. Abu Hafsah Abdul Malik Clare, a canadian I supposed.

He is a very special guy because Allah has reserved his ability to see until he is in the Paradise.

He promised to electrify us.

Breaking the Barriers -Whats stppping you?

In da'wah, in inviting people to Islam.

1. Our intention?  This is so rational.  Because most of us has the thinking of not doing something because we are afraid that out intention is not pure. But... if there's no action there's no intention.  Perhaps its just the whispers from the iblis. Purify our intention,  seek help from Allah. Dont be scared until there's no action done.

2. Cultural issues.  Some culture don't encourage women to speak out, to share, to do da'wah. Break the barrier.

3. Shyness. Practice,  work within it. Perhaps if we are too shy, we can write our da'wah and remain anonymous. 

4. Knowledge. I am no scholar! You dont need to be one. You just need to keep on learning:)

5. People may not respond to me :( its okay... when there' a 'no', there will be a 'yes'.

He electrified us. He electrified us with His quran recitation.  MashaAllah. Too beautiful. I literally pictured in my mind the mountains, the waterfall. As calm as I am listening to kitaro.

May Allah bless you brother.
And may we use our eyesights in a proper way. Allahu musta'an.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Seeds of Change Pt 1

"There's a polish for rusty things, and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of Allah"

Alhamdulillah All praises due to Allah.... I was given the ease and opportunity to attend the women only conference organized by IERA UK - Seeds of Change, don't just go through life, grow through life.

In syaa Allah I will share the knowledge that I have obtained slowly. By Allah... it was a remarkable day.

It is always good to be brought back to Islam although we were born as a Muslim.

This is the 2nd time for me to attend suh event, its just the approach here was different.  Perhaps because now I am in the west, less Muslim population compared to in Malaysia, so the focus are different here. It's more how to invite people to Islam rather than strengthen our Aqidah and Tawhid as focused in Being Me 2012.

Summer holiday isn't that bad huh though I dont have a plan to go around the world; )

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Gonna give you space

Space to breathe....

swim....swim deeper....

but come back to me in a better state, will you?

I wish you know me differently...

Monday, June 17, 2013

Mama kata

Mama kata....
Dalam hidup ni, kena berdikari.
Have your own source of income and learn to be on your own. Dont be too attached or rely 100% on other people, even if you are married.

Bukan nak cakap orang lain tak boleh harap. Tapi...dunia sekarang, terlampau banyak komitmen.

In this modern world, too much things need to be prepared. Things you need to have, things you want to have.

And... perhaps... you just to have your own source of income to give back to our parents and those in needs.

Yes. I'm gonna step outside and realise the things I have planned. May Allah ease.

Missing home. Can't sleep. 

Missing the babies, audrina and his uncle ayie.

Lets just close the eyes and enjoy tomorrow!

Salam sayang dari London.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Jika boleh

If I can go turn back the time and bring all the books I bought to read. Gosh. The books. Should go and buy new stocks of books that can inspire me!

Anyway happy daddy day to my one and only Ayah. I still remember the fights we had....just because I wish I could be a better daughter to mama and ayah. I know this distance would give extra strength to my relationship with mama and ayah.

When I'm away only then I had realized  that you have sacrificed so much. You cooked our favorite dish when u have d time. You would cook lunch before you leave to work. You fetched me from shah alam almost every time and you even came to me although you are on your journey back to bangi. I could count how many times i wrnt back by train. Which is.... less than 5 times?

 I know there would be no daddy would do it for us. In bad times in good times.... we have survived.

Thank you for marrying mama 34 years ago on your first day of university.  Thank you for giving the name Mardhiah. In syaa Allah I will try to be like one.

Mama Ayah...forever will missing you and I cant stop loving you. Wont be the perfect daughter. But in syaa Allah lets try to be better so we can meet again in the Garden of Paradise. 

Much love.
Your daughter that talk non stop like a radio :-D

Shine Bright like Brighton!

Alhamdulillah I have just got back from a day trip with my friend, just an hour from London, a small city called Brighton.

A perfect getaway from the stressful exam period and the busy city, London.

It was so peaceful, lunch by the beach, with Seagulls flying on the sky, the sky was beautiful, it was sunny.

Thank you for making the early days in London awesome and still awesome :)
As what people always says, there's always a first time. Well it was my first time to pray in the middle of the beach. I was afraid, in my mind i was like...what others will think of me when they see me praying? Yeah thare was lots of people there. But I was amazed, "if its the right thing, i wont be afraid" took a long breath and just...cherished the moment. The moment you pray, you could hear the sound of the waves...the see breeze... MashaAllah. Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Everything He created is beautiful!

Brighton Pier. My first crazy cup rides and roller coaster ride. Fear conquered!

A dream come true. Flower Halo.

So yeah, it was an amazing first time experience =D
It was an awesome trip. Perhaps because i got things ticked on the list that i want to do and got to spend with the awesome ladies before they go for their Euro trip. Worth every penny :)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Yeay ! Alhamdulillah. Finally after...Almost 3 months struggling with books classes settling down and what not, the exam is now finally over! i can rest for about 2 months ! :D

So the highlight for my three months here :

Went to London Eye with my lawyer Azlyn, and London decided to welcome us with pouring snow! 

Azlyn's taste right now. Gosh you've changed:O I guess as time goes by, this would be one of the things that would made us laugh.

Ehek, My view to class.

Easter Day celebration, Lookie lookie look who's here! My own Hana ! Finally she agreed to transform !:p

Easter Day celebration, Hello lookin good there with ciggies in your eyes.

Went to city of London and experienced my first snow! Snow in almost April, that's weird. 

Tempat bergantung. Tempat menangis, tumpang peluk. Tempat bercerita tak henti henti.

Tempat bergantung versi kedua.

Mama and Ayah came and my life was perfect for a moment. I miss them every second of my life.
Thank God there's a technology called Skype and free internet call.

Oh and Azri has started working though he had few stitches after i left Malaysia. He was thinking how to quit his first job, and fell off the bike. and Surprised by his sister's whatsapp showing his beautiful leg before being stitched. So beautiful. So fresh in my mind. and offered another job, looking forward to a tanner Azri but he's so skinny perhaps going to the gym would be good. Can't remember he's this thin.

Monday, June 10, 2013


Exam in less than 2 days. I've never felt this empty.


Friday, June 7, 2013

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I promise myself

That I will love myself endlessly ♥

Sunday, June 2, 2013


Change? I guess at this stage of life, at this age, most of us are going through the transition period. Thinking of what should we be.

What is our main goal in life. And we start to make changes. 

Perhaps for some of us, as we decide we need to change? we fall hard, in order for us to fly high up with our beautiful wings.

Is it gonna be smooth?  Some may say there would be challenges. Yes. Take it like the bumps you have to go through before

To me, changing our covers are easier compared to changing our inside.Istiqmah with the way we wear wouldnt be that hard. Its hard. But there's something haaarder. Changing the type of music wouldnt  be that hard. Errrr I do have some loud inappropriate music. Errr.

The biggest challenge is to change the inside of us.

“There is a piece of flesh in the body if it becomes good (reformed) the whole body becomes good but if it gets spoiled, the whole body gets spoiled – and that is the heart.” [Hadith Bukhary]

Its like taking out  our flesh and wash and brush and put powders on it. You know, I'm in the early 20s. I have been living for  20 years.  This internal component is almost permanent. its part of us. And we want to dispose whats bad.

To Change, Requires haaardwork. Don't give up. You may decide to  change and firm on it, and ralizing the next morning you've just did the things you really3 want to stop doing (happens to mee  toooo often). Be mad at yourself for that moment, but never lose hope in His mercy. Ask for strength. 

In the midst of change. Construction in progress. InsyaAllah it will never end. To be His best slave, a good daughter, InsyaAllah one day a good partner to someone, a good mother,  and a good citizen.

Let's put His guidance as our aim. May Allah make ease.

P/s: I'm not good, far from it. But I know the pain of realizing that I'm soaking wet in the sins and did nothing about it. Ignorant fool. Nauzubillah.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Have we forgotten?

"There's no right time, that's the perfect time"
Alhamdulillah. 5 months s has passed since my dad was hospitalized due to a severe heart attack.
I remembered that day being the most confusing day.  Almost the perfect day it was, went for a cycling with my lovely girlfriend,  went back to the hostel and received the news that my dad was admitted to the hospital, treated under red zone, critical zone.
Only God knows how puzzled I was. To cut long story short,  went back home to hospital and met him, and everytime he says.... I love u kakak I'll try to remain cool, up till now.
Went back home accompanied mama. And woke up the next morning mama told me, "didnt we asked Allah for guidance and His light? This is it. Just wait and believe there's something good behind all of these"
Alhamdulillah I can drive confidently, trying my best to cater everyone's need. My sisters' my mother's and my little nieces and nephews.
After days of waiting and everything, Doctor did a thorough check up including the Angiography test - the test to check how many blockage in the heart do my father have. Alhamdulillah, there is some but can be managed through change of lifestyle and medication. 
He was the happiest guy. And we were the luckiest to still have the chance to spend our time wih him.
About the guidance that my mom mentioned.... our life changed. Better. We could have him more, I could see him happier by realizing that he can't work as hard as if he is still 40 years old.
Nothing is perfect but....I am greatful to be given another chance to realize how important our parents are.
And most importantly,  to realize that Allah listen and give the best what He think is the best for us...
"But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners"